07.14.06
Posted in The Story, Recipes at 4:42 pm by Chef Matt
This is a common question that I get. Either directly or indirectly, the question is some permutation of “So now that you cook professionally, do you still cook at home?” Well, the answer is, “So far, yes.” Sure, with time I may find that the rigors of restaurant work make me too tired to actually cook at home, but for now I still cook quite a bit at home.
The example for today came in what to do with a bowl of cherries that was getting a little old. We paid a lot for these cherries, and they were lovely, but we went Chicago last weekend as my regular readers know. So these cherries were going fast, and it was a shame. My wife suggested that I make cherry preserves from them, but there were two problems with this idea:
- Making preserves/jellies/jams/marmalades is a pain in the ass
- I have no idea how to do this.
So instead I started poking through some cookbooks for ideas, and I ran across a neat new idea in World Vegetarian by Madhur Jaffrey for a cherry chutney with hot pepper. So I whipped up a batch of that, but that only used one cup of cherries. (Yes, we had a lot of cherries left over!) It is nice and spicy, and will be good on all sorts of deep-fried things.
I then remembered someone making a set of chocolate cookies with cherries one Christmas. They weren’t any good, but I remember they had some promise. So I searched through my cookbook pile for a chocolate cookie recipe. Found one, and threw some cherries in it as well.
Cookies and chutney.
Not to be mixed. |
So yes, even though I am constantly complaining that there are too many baked goods in my house, I whipped up a giant batch of chocolate cookies today while my wife was at work. In addition to now being eligible for “Husband of the Year” I am also fattening myself and my wife up to the point where we each weigh about 1,300 pounds.
If anybody wants to come over for cookies, let me know - my door is always open!
Matt
PS The recipe for the chutney is in the comments.
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07.13.06
Posted in The Story at 1:02 pm by Chef Matt
So today I decided to prowl around Craigslist - the DC version of course - to take a look at what kinds of jobs there are on that site for people who are looking for cooking jobs - like me. The first problem is the category. It is - seriously - retail/food/hospitality. Right, they clump all those together. So peppered around the chef jobs, which are scattered among the servers jobs, are jobs for being a cashier at a JC Penny’s and whatnot. I think these are two categories that craigslist could separate if you ask me…
Anyway, once in there, here are some of the problems I ran into. For the record, all the ads I show here are real. I am taking out the contact info of course, but they are copied verbatim:
1. Restaurants afraid to say who they are.
Short Order Cook
We are looking for a short-order cook for a permanent, direct hire position. We have an immediate opening. please foax or email your resume for consideration. Fax, 410-308-9055.
Compensation: $7 - $7.50/hr
What the hell is this? Is it a secret? Do you think you are going to pull some great bait-and-switch on me, luring me out to the land of milk and honey that is Upper Marlboro only to realize that you are a Howard Johnson’s? And what do you think will happen when I get there, and realize this is a total shithole? Do you think I will stick around and work there because the pay is so outstanding? For the love of God, if you actually want people to “foax” you, please just say who the hell you are! If YOU’RE ashamed of it, you can only imagine how I would feel working for you…
2. Everybody wants experience
Ad 1: Seeking motivated, committed individual to fill position as line cook at high tempo, creative, and challenging restaurant in NW DC. Prior experience is preferred.
Ad 2: …seeking a fun, friendly, and talented chef to work for multiple private clients preparing weekly meals, dinner parties, and teaching private and corporate cooking classes. Must have a culinary degree and restaurant experience.
Ad 3: We are looking for a Pizza Cook with proven skills in food preparation, health regulations and customer service.
Look, I am not faulting people who want their Executive chefs (see below) to have experience. Roles like that require experience. But a pizza cook? It may be sour grapes, but so much of the restaurant industry is based on entry level positions - it is the entry level people who do a lot of the work that allows restaurants to run cheaply. If you are going to post on craigslist, you gotta be more entry-oriented, which leads me to the next point:
3. Inappropriate job levels for craigslist
Executive Chef Needed…
Executive chef needed to manage and supervise all aspects of production and execution in a high volume convention center kitchen, including both catering and retail dining arrangements.
Must have diverse knowledge of classic and regional cooking styles/trends and understand safety guidelines sanitation regulations in effect on the property in the District of Columbia.
Must be able to manage all kitchen production in an organized, cost conscious manner and work in a high energy, deadline-driven environment.
Minimum 8 years’ experience.
Like I said, I have no problem with asking for 8 years of experience for a job like this. But how many chefs with these kinds of creds are surfing craigslist lookin for that next great gig? Sure, I may not know how this all works seeing as how I am at the bottom, but I would like to think that after I have been the man for 8 years and can be worthy of such a position, that I would not need to be trolling around the want ads for a job…
4. We are not suckers, get the dollar signs out of the job title!
Ad 1: Kitchen$$Experienced Line Cooks$$$Top Pay!!!!
Ad 2: LINE COOKS $$$$$ N____ RESTAURANT
So many dollar $ign$. So many exclamation points!!! ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. Wow, I just gotta sign up for these jobs! (End sarcasm.) Funny how when I opened both of them, neither one mentioned a salary range. Even the place-which-dare-not-speak-its-own-name put down a dollar amount… Simply put, the harder you try to lure me in, the more I can see you’re full of crap. Post how much you pay and what you want. Don’t tell me the salary is tied to experience. I have none–but I am not going to work for free…
5. The Greatest Job in the World
Chef (Maine)
Camp Walden, an all girls residential camp,is hiring an Assistant Chef position. Dining room services 250 people. $750 per week, in addition to room and board and transportation expenses. Position is available immediately through the end of August. Please contact Marnie at 207-452-XXXX if you are interested.
Am I interested? AM I INTERESTED?!? An all girls camp with 250 girls where I am the cook? Holy crap, it sounds like the beginning of a bad 80’s semi-porn! And I get to be the cook that everyone hates, but accidentally catches a glimpse of the shower or something… But it’s in MAINE! What the hell?!? Why must you curse me so, Lord?! Why!?!
The hunt continues…
Matt
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07.12.06
Posted in The Story at 6:50 pm by Chef Matt
It is scary to know what goes into your food. Sure, I could write a diatribe about additives, preservatives, colors and all that other artificial shit that is going to kill us with cancer and all sorts of other terrible things, but I’ll save that rant for the local news next time they are trying to scare us with something useless. But rather it is the stuff that is in food “naturally” that is going to get us. I had no idea how bad it was until I started making these things.
Some of you may remember my earlier rant where I mentioned that cream cheese icing for carrot cakes has a lot of sugar in it. We are talking IN EXCESS OF AN ENTIRE BOX of confectioner’s sugar for ONE cake. (maybe 1.5 cakes…) I can’t be bothered to calculate out how many calories that is, but I am guessing somewhere around 3.5 billion (give or take a billion). In addition, it has cream cheese in it, which will clog your arteries, pee in your gas tank and laugh as you fall down the stairs. In short, this is so incredibly bad for you.
As always, thanks to the Simpsons - for everything. |
In an earlier class I learned to make sausage. There is an old joke that states: “There are two things that you don’t want to know what goes into making them: sausage and legislation.” All political joking aside, sausage is a nutritional mess. We all know that it is not the choicest cuts of meat that get chosen for the meat grinder, but let’s say they are in this case. Let’s say we want to make premium sausage with only pork tenderloin. It is still ONE THIRD FAT that you have to add into that sausage for moisture, richness and flavor. Think of it this way, you have two slices of tenderloin in front of you - now put down a slice as big of fat back. That’s sausage.
And while we are talking about things that are 1/3 fat, there are croissants. Maybe not technically 1/3 of the total volume is fat, but there is a hell of a lot of butter in these bad boys. But that wasn’t good enough for us - we then stuffed with ham and cheese as well as some with chocolate. It may sound scientficially impossible, but for every pound of croissants you eat, you actually put on five pounds. Apparently, mostly in your liver.
In short, there is really nothing you can do about all this. You can’t “do” certain foods in a healthy way. If you want to have tofu sausage, knock yourself out, but that seems to me like losing your virginity to an inflatable doll.
Look, there are a few simple facts we have to embrace here:
- Fat tastes good.
- Sugar tastes good.
- Fat and sugar together taste really damn good.
- We are all going to die.
Yes, this is a skull and crossbones I made from croissants, rugelach and Danish. And you thought YOU had too much time on your hands… |
So what is my point? Well, now when I look at the mountain of croissants and Danishes that I brought home last night from school, I can actually see my own death in them, but at the same time, at least I know I am going to die happy. Anyone care to join me?
Matt
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07.10.06
Posted in The Story at 12:53 am by Chef Matt
I am actually writing this while visiting my brother and his wife in Chicago. I had been meaning to get back out here for some time, and see the sites in the summer, when it is actually worth walking around outside. I am not a huge fan of the cold, so visiting in the winter is just not an option. We took the architecture boat ride, and walked the Magnificent Mile and all that great touristy stuff (the Cubs were out of town, so we couldn’t see a game alas). But one of the real draws for me was the food.
Sure, everyone always says you have to eat at Charlie Trotter’s, but those of you who have been reading for some time know that the point of this blog is that I am surrendering my lucrative job for the less monetarily rewarding one. So a night at Trotter’s was pretty much out of the question (some day baby…).
So there were two places I really wanted to try out. First off was Arun’s, a famous Thai restaurant known for delivering a prix fixe menu of about 12 courses that is just superb. It lived up to all expectations. The food kept coming in sumptuous wave after sumptuous wave. From one-bite salads to half lobster tails, this was an amazing 2 hour dinner. The fine knife skills and knowledgeable wait staff was really something extraordinary. But what really impressed me was how they were able - even with a prix fixe menu - to accommodate the special needs we had. Among our party were the following:
We are the quintessential difficult customers. Just look at how we’re dressed! |
- My brother, John - vegetarian
- His wife, Karen - vegetarian, but will eat seafood
- My wife, Caroline - not vegetarian, but allergic to peanuts
- Me - will eat anything known to man
Even with all these difficult dietary restrictions, Arun’s was able to keep it all straight and provide great meals for all of us. I thought it was nothing short of extraordinary, and I highly recommend it to you all if you ever have the chance and/or the means. Needless to say, this bill set me back for some time!
So after this example of culinary high cuisine, we had to go for a sample of the culinary low-brow. Remember, I will eat it all, and even though I think fried bacon is a bad idea, I would still try it. Chicago is famous for its hot dogs, and I had to try one of the famous dogs from Superdawg while I was here. (Even more than Arun’s, this was a “must do” for this visit for me…)
The Superdawg comes complete with onions, mustard, relish, a giant pickle wedge and of course, a giant, delicious hot dog buried underneath it all. I had to move a lot of stuff aside to get this photo to show you the actual dog under it all.
So what was the verdict of the Chicago-style dog? Amazing. This is a great way to eat a dog, and while it is one hell of trek outside of the city to get to Superdawg, it was a journey that had one hell of a reward. Too bad my brother and his wife are vegetarians, so they couldn’t join in on the fun. Guess they’ll just have to enjoy their long, healthy lives instead…
Well, I am homeward bound tomorrow, and back to the hunt for a kitchen job, but every good endeavor needs a diversion. For me, that means traveling halfway across the country to try some of the most amazing Thai food I have ever had, and to see a giant hot dog dressed like Tarzan. I can’t think of any way I would rather be spending my weekends.
Matt
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07.08.06
Posted in The Story at 11:59 am by Chef Matt
Well it is time for me to start looking for work in the culinary world. I have fully recovered from my four days of partying for July Fourth, and I have gotten all the leftover crabs out of my house. I have also become accustomed to the rigors of telecommuting. The 20-second commute is really a bear. (That was sarcasm, which can be hard to convey successfully online…)
Which brings me to a brief aside: Telecommuting is about the greatest thing ever. Sure, there is the general fear that employees will be slack-asses when they have unfettered access to The Price is Right when they are supposed to be working, but if it is approached as exactly what it is: a privilege that is not to be abused, then I can really see no detractors. I myself have personally vowed never to have the TV on when I am “at work” and so far, so good. My boss doesn’t seem to be complaining as of yet either, so all in all, I think this is a great way to do the “cubicle thing”. Maybe if I had thought of this earlier, I wouldn’t be in such a rush to get out of the office world…
But the restaurant path is the one I have chosen to walk down, and quite frankly it is the reason most of you are reading this. Like a teenage boy watching Porky’s for the first time I can sense the anticipation in all of you… “When is he going to get to the shower scene?!?” (No, I will not be doing any nude shots myself, no matter how much you beg.)
Well, wait no longer, it has begun. I had my first phone interview.
I followed the aforementioned lead to Ten Penh that came through a friend of my mother’s. While I figured I didn’t have much of a chance in hell of landing anything here, the opportunity was just too great. Ten Penh is a masterful restaurant in the DC area, and I would be thrilled to have a chance to learn there.
So I called my mom’s friend who set up one of the owners to be expecting my call. I then called the owner later that day, and he was very nice in taking the time with me to explain that a large kitchen in a very busy restaurant was not the best situation for me to “cut my teeth” seeing as how I have no real production kitchen experience. He took the time to give me some ideas of places to talk to, and left open the idea that in a year or two, I may be ready to step it up to their level.
Yes, it was a kiss-off, but let me explain two things about this before anyone decides to boycott in outrage over this:
-
I fully expected this. This is a top-notch restaurant in downtown DC, and I am, for all practical purposes, an unskilled and unproven laborer looking for work. This is like someone coming right out of
DeVry looking to be a project leader at Microsoft. In the words of my father: Not. Happening.
-
The kind man from Ten Penh was about as courteous and helpful as could be expected in this situation. Basically he had to take a call from some bozo he never met because he is the son of a friend of a friend. If I had to interrupt my busy day to take a call from someone in that situation, I would be annoyed beyond belief. The fact that he didn’t just give me the instant brush off is amazing enough in its own right, and a real credit to him.
So yeah, it would have been like this for me to work there, only, I didn’t get the chance to make the big tackle… |
So yes, I am now officially 0-1, but to use another sports metaphor it is sort of like the story of Rudy. I was never supposed to win that one in the first place. The difference being, I didn’t in this case. Didn’t have a whole bunch of line cooks laying down their aprons on the chef’s desk to show support for me. (If you didn’t get that joke, go see the movie…)
But I feel I have direction and an idea now. Small places and small kitchens. Restaurants where the staff can take the time to give me the attention I need in the early stages of my career. A place where I can first learn to stand up, and then, hopefully, to stand out.
So if you think you are the right place, I would love to hear from you! I need someone to take a chance on me – any brave souls out there?…
Matt
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07.06.06
Posted in Other Fun at 11:54 pm by Chef Matt
One last thing I wanted to get in today - as you can see from the time, I am just getting it in under the wire.
Happy Birthday to my lovely wife, Caroline. It was her birthday today, and I can say she just keeps getting more awesome every year.
So what does the wife of a chef get for her birthday? Well, breakfast in bed of course!
I woke up at 6:20AM this morning, and made fresh blueberry-lemon scones, served with espresso and milk, juice, and a selection of jams and butter. I was going to do the full-on pancakes and bacon thing, but we didn’t have the ingredients - our fridge is mostly overflowing with stuff from the party, so that is all we have room for. After that, she got her present from me which was a full-day spa treatment at the Sugar House, her favorite spa in the area.
So in conclusion, to all my ex-girlfriends and to all the women in college who turned me down and to basically any girl who shot me down - and there are a LOT of you - I only have one thing to say to you all:
Spite Rules. |
Love you honey! I hope you have a happy last 6 minutes of your birthday!
Matt
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Posted in Greatest Hits, Recipes, Other Fun at 4:54 pm by Chef Matt
I wanted to do something different for the Fourth of July this year. Well not too different, I still wanted to throw a giant BBQ as I always do, complete with my famous salt and pepper chicken and Asian cabbage salad. And lots and lots of cheap beer. Those things are a given. But since I can never leave well enough alone when it comes time to cook, I had to try something I have never done before. I wanted to have a crab boil as well.
My friend Fernando was really excited about this idea (he was also very excited about the rib tree I mentioned in a previous blog) and he even looked up places to get crawfish and so forth online. Well I was totally excited about this too, and Fernando even got to the point where he was challenging me in who would eat more crabs. I told him that he would surely win for this very simple reason:
I don’t like crabs.
The look he had on his face was that of someone you have just told that their parents just died, and you were the one who did it. I had to follow up and explain that the reason I was doing this was for the fun of doing something culinarily different - not because I necessarily was going to eat it. (yeah, I said “eat it”.)
So the crab boil was simply to fill my turkey fryer (you all have one, right?) with water, some beer, hot sauce, some crab boil packets (I had a recipe, but Fernando bought some, so I used those since I am lazy) and lemons. Oh and a little vinegar as the amassed people all offer advice of what else to throw in…
So first I boiled a ton of corn and potatoes in there since they are yummy, and I have friends who are vegetarians. Then I threw in sausage, shrimp (which I love) and crabs. Mind you I was running a grill with chicken at the same time, so this was hectic, but a ton of fun. A little while later (I lost track of time) we had a half bushel of these bad boys ready to go:
Yum. Well, at least for those who like crabs… They were a hit, but the real stars turned out to be the potatoes and the sausages. Next time I will have many more of those ready to go!
So here’s my beef with crabs, besides the fact that the meat you get out of them has a weird flavor to me. Here is me learning how to eat crabs:
Knowledgeable Crab-Eating Friend (KCEF): OK, first you take off the swimmers and legs.
Me: OK
KCEF: Right, now suck on the legs to get the meat out.
Me: *Suck!* Umm…There’s nothing in there.
KCEF: Yeah, I know… So next you want to take off the claws, and crack them open and eat the meat in there.
Me: *POW!*
KCEF: OK, maybe you don’t want to drive the cracker into the actual crab meat… they’re not all that tough…
Me: *eating mutilated crab claw meat with bits of shell in it* MMmmm…. this is good. (lying)
KCEF: Next you want to open the shell…
Me: *Raises hammer above head with shell below me*
KCEF: NO! You want to flip it over and… (20 minute description of how to open crab shell by bottom)
Me: Wow, that was a lot of work there, but we are finally inside the main shell of the crab.
KCEF: Why are you summarizing the plot so far?
Me: For the readers at home.
KCEF: What?
Me: Nothing, now what?
KCEF: OK, see all that stuff there under the shell?
Me: (excited we were finally getting somewhere) Yeah, there’s a lot of meat in these guys!
KCEF: No, those are the lungs (gills?), you gotta scoop them out of there.
Me: *Looking at him like he just told me my parents were dead and he was the one who did it*
KCEF: OK, so now you see those little infinitesimal specks of nothing back there that we have worked for 15 minutes to get at?*
Me: You mean that little thing there?…
KCEF: No, that’s the intestine, throw that out too…
Me: …Ummm…then no.
KCEF: Yeah, me neither… anyway, if you find it, that is the backfin, it’s the good stuff.
Me: So all this work results in about 2-3 mouthfuls of food?
KCEF: Yeah, that’s about right.
*I may be editorializing the actual comment here…
So yeah, I can think of few other foods that so perfectly describe the description “not worth the effort” as crabs. But hey, we then had lots of beer, a Dance Dance Revolution competition (which I won) and then some upside-down margaritas. The rest of the night gets fuzzy after that…
Matt
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07.03.06
Posted in The Story at 10:32 pm by Chef Matt
Well, Friday was the last day of my commuting to work. Sorry I was not able to write then, I had a lot of work to do, including cleaning out my desk, and I also had a party to get ready for that I threw on the following day. (More on that later.) But one thing dawned on me now that I am no longer a regular daily commuter: I had become really good at it!
My Morning Commute |
I was a metro train rider here in DC, and with gas prices doing what they are doing as of late, the train was becoming very crowded (people finally caught on that it was cheaper to take the train…). So I knew how to get on in the morning at 8:05 when the empty train comes up at the West Falls Church Station (where I get on), this gives me an empty train ride all the way in on the morning. I knew to ride the rear-most car since that one fills the least, and when I got off at Foggy Bottom, I knew the timing of all the lights on my walk to work. It was like a finely-tuned Swiss watch in the morning.
The afternoon was a different story. I am not able to pick an choose which trains I want most days since I am going to culinary school and have to be there on time. It was so packed that only a few thin layers of fabric kept the train car from being a full-on adult movie. On days that I could choose though, I at least knew that front cars and the second consecutive Orange line train (if only 2 minutes behind) were the better ways to go.
So is it a waste to lose all I know of the commute in? I mean here is something that has to be done, and a lot of people dread. But short of a train breaking down, I had the time to myself as a relaxing chance to read my Atlantic Monthly and a short walk that was a great chance to actually get outside a little before sitting in front of my computer all day.
Well here’s what I am trading it in for: I get up now at 8:30, and take a shower if I feel like it, and then walk into my living room to fire up my computer. I don’t get to read my Atlantic, but I do get to watch Maury Povich if he is doing the paternity test results shows. (My guilty pleasure TV show.)
Believe it or not, the jury is out. I won’t know for sure if I am better off yet or not until I start as a chef at night. For those of you asking, I have a few more leads - more will be forthcoming as I know it, but I think I am trying to settle in to the part time thing a bit. Giving myself a bit of a rest I guess.
And enjoying this chance to laugh at my wife as she has to get up and drive to work.
Matt
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