12.18.06

If I Find This in My Stocking, You’ll Get a Kick to the Head

Posted in Reviews, Rants and Raves at 6:33 pm by Chef Matt

The world of odd kitchen gadgetry continues to produce things that I just cannot explain. I love that they keep doing this though, since it makes life so much more interesting. To be an inventor, one must think up one of two things:

1. Come up with an idea for something that doesn’t exist, but that everyone needs. (Example: Invisibility Cloak)

2. Take something that already exists, and improve it in a way that makes it substantially better (Example: Remote Controls for your TV)

Alexander Graham Bell If he’s so smart, how come he’s dead?…

The first of these is incredibly difficult. I mean, how do you come up with an idea for something that doesn’t exist? And then, once you have come up with that idea, how do you make it? I mean really, the concept of Alexander Graham Bell’s inventing of the telephone is really something amazing when you think of it. Good work there Mr. Bell! (He also helped invent the hydrofoil, which makes him one of the cooler dead people around.)

But the second form of invention is where the really strange things begin to happen. Sure, there are some great inventions in this second category, like the way Band-Aids are now opened. Remember back in the day with the little red string in there? What the hell was that? Someone actually took the time to invent a better way to package the things, and thus improved them forever.

However, in the world of kitchen gadgets, the real improvements are few and far between, but that doesn’t stop people from trying all the time! Oxo Good Grips for example put out a carrot peeler for people with arthritis, and it turned out to be so great, that they made a whole line of items based on the Good Grips concept. And I think most of their stuff is really great.

But the attempts to improve on the gadgetry that already exists in the kitchen took a step too far recently. I just cannot get on board with this:

That, my dear readers, is a motorized pepper grinder with a light.

Yes, you will no longer have to worry about grinding pepper in the dark, this handy contraption will help you see that yes, it is in fact a salad that you are grinding pepper onto, and yes, that is in fact pepper coming out of your pepper grinder!

I mean really, how did the thought process for this go? Was the inventor not happy with all the work involved in grinding pepper (I myself am usually exhausted after a good three twists of a pepper mill myself) and so decided to not only throw in a motor, but while he was at it, also run a light off the batteries so as to drain them even faster? Or was the inventor perhaps not pleased with the way his flashlight was only putting out light into the room, and perhaps wanted a little more seasoning to accompany it?

Either way, this is a truly stupid combination of items. Though I do have to admit, the thought of someone using one of these during a power outage which results in a mass sneezing fit in the dark makes me laugh quite a bit…

And just so we can get them out of our system, here are some other truly ridiculous kitchen gadget combinations that we don’t need that I have thought up, so please don’t anybody invent them:

• A spatula with a clock-radio
  
• The pedal-powered shrimp deveiner
  
• A stand-up mixer/garage door opener
  
• Cheese grating pet brush (be sure to use the right side for brushing your cat!)
  
• A walkie-talkie garlic press
  
• A candy thermometer/plumber’s snake
  
• The hair-trimming… well, anything you’d cook with - blech!

So have a Merry Christmas people, and remember, when you are thinking of getting gifts for that special someone in your life, try getting them a cool invention. Like a telephone, or even better, a hydrofoil.

(God, I hope my wife is reading this… a hydrofoil would rule!)

Matt

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